So today during my time in the word, The Lord said something to me that hurt, not because it was negative, but because I was convicted of my words and actions.
I have a fear if failure, I have a fear of failing and letting it reflect poorly on me. I grew up with a performance oriented view of grace and a performance oriented view of my value. In that I have gotten really good at blaming others for my failures. It reminds me a little like Israel, as they blamed moses for leading them astray in the desert as it was their fault they kept whining and disobeying God, but felt like they had a right to blame someone else.
Today I became very convicted about that. First my reputation of perfect performance shouldn’t mean that much to me (and thats a lot of pressure) rather my reputation should be based in my love for Jesus, people and my character. I believe that my blaming others has hindered me from growing spiritually as much as I should. So Lord, forgive me for blaming others for my shortcomings.
Today I choose to walk in forgiveness, for those I felt who have wronged me. Grace for myself because his grace is sufficient for me. Responsibility for my actions. Spiritual authority, the enemy “ain’t got nothing on me” (to quote Denzel). Faith, that his path leads to righteousness and that following Christ will always end for my good.